Saturday, January 23, 2010

The importance of relationships....






So there I was, on a business trip to Walt Disney World, Orlando, Florida, when it hit--me as it often does--married men with kids, like me, who travel for work are very lucky guys. I am particularly lucky. My wife is super mommy. Here I am at the Shades of Green while she holds down the fort with two little rapscallions, the wind beating the shutters and the rain flooding the desert. As my dad said of our mother while paraphasing Louis L'amour, "you have to find one to ride the river with."

Family is a precious entity in society, and it works when parents support each other and establish their priorities. While our kiddos are high on the priority list (because one day they will be paying our social security and changing our diapers) it is more important to maintain the integrity of the relationship that made it all happen. This is the covalent bond of the family and it must be nurtured to stay strong.

I read in Scientific Mind recently that Western marriages usually fail because we enter them with a fairy tale expectation of love. Think of it, we're at our best when we marry. After we get married, we're bouyant for a while, but that usually diminishes around year two and we begin to wonder how to deal with life and the fact that we have to change whether we like it or not. Time and tide changes us, and we lose control of it if we're not diligent or mindful of what's happening.

I have a great marriage. Yes, it has its moments, but we work together to become stronger and to remember why we got married in the first place. The kids are an added benefit. Nothing compares to the joy of a little one giggling and looking at you with mischief in his eyes. But, ultimately, mom and dad, husband and wife, must nurture each other. It really isn't about the marriage. It is about the relationship. We all know couples who drifted apart or separated after children left the house. In the childrens' absence, the spouses saw strangers looking back.

There is some truth in the lyrics from Baz Luhrmann's song "Everybody's Free,"

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

It should really be, "Be nice to the ones you love..." as they're the first ones we take advantage of without knowing it but usually the first to come to our aid when we need them most.

So what is the point of this post. The point is that we need to love, support and appreciate those who love us.

2 comments:

  1. Wow, I looked so rested in 2003, before kids.. Ha ha ha. Thanks for the shout-out my love! You always have a way of finding the most poetic words to illustrate your feelings...

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  2. You are oh-so correct that you must nuture the marriage as one day the kids will (should) take possession of their own lives. You should nuture a good relationship with the children also, and let it grow and change as they become adults. One of the things I often see in my line of work are parents who have not done a good job of teaching their children how to become responsible, independent adults who can make good choices. As a result the kids make choices the parents disapprove of and ruin the relationship between them. That, for me, is sad. I *want* my kids to be able to live their lives and still want to have a good relationship with me.

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